THE BLOG ACCORDING TO BOB

My dildos and vibrators are currently named ‘bob’, which I suppose is a better name than GumbyX due to the lesser syllables required to roll of the tongue. I didn’t come up with the name; it was a happy accident that occurred at work. Imagine a gaggle of geese trying to talk about dildos, sex, fucking and sucking while working with the public….tricky sometimes. So the boss blurts out the name ‘bob’ in direct reference to our conversation, and Bob it has been ever since much to our amusement and pleasure.

It is one thing to talk about fucking yourself with your toys with co-workers, but it is still a surreal experience to talk about dildos to a straight faced attendant young behind the counter of an adult store. Maybe because talking about dildos at work with the other women is a lot like the cooler conversations at the office, or fishing stories with the guys….I once had a dildo thiiiiiissss bbbiiiiiiigggg…..a delightful form of entertainment with enough edgy seriousness to make it real. Maybe it is the lack of visual, hell, I assume that we are not carrying our Bobs into work with us (well, maybe some of the gals have butterfly Bobs that we are not aware of….interesting to ponder about), but overall……there is a difference for me at least between discussing Bob with the gals at work, and seeing Bob in all of his glory in the hands of a beautiful looking young man at the Bob store.

Shopping for Bob is amazing to me. There are Bobs out there that seem ridiculously impossible to take home to momma. You know what I mean….the 10’ (not inches, feet!) double headed dildo that is everyone’s favorite party toy that you know isn’t practical, but you wonder who is using those anyways………oh yea you think, I saw that in a porn one time! Then there are Bobs with a lot of bling; shinny, but you still wonder if under all the pretty shine, is there quality there? There are Bobs with parts that I still don’t think I want to know about….ok, yes, I do want to learn about the anal tickler attached to it…..but do I want the guy behind the counter to know that I may like that? And if the answer is yes can he give me a demonstration? Bobs with pearls, Bobs with jelly skin, plastic skin, surreal cyber skin…etc…..a lot of cleaning to think about there…and using a condom with Bob???? That gets me to no end…..Bob is my best and closest friend, even when others come over to play. Can I not trust him the most and not have to wear a rubber? (I know, condom use is for when letting Bob play with your friends as well as yourself….it was just a liberty I took…)

Shopping for Bob is like picking up a guy…..scope, review, decide…..mmmmmm, that one looks good, bet it can do this for me…but that one over there, well, now we are talking endurance….how bout Bob supercharged model triple thousand X? I bet that is worth 20 orgasms! How can I be expected to pick out just one? Then reality sets in after all of my oohhing and aaahhhing. I know what I want and need in a Bob…..and I since I am a practical sort and not inclined to Bob shop frequently, I usually go for quality and endurance with a touch of spice, not worrying about the bells and whistles so much as the hard core endurance…..I want my Bob to last.

With the final selection made, I approach the counter. Now the squirming begins. I want to ask this guy, hey, is this Bob any good? I want to know if him and his girlfriend have tried this particular model, how did she like it, how bout the quality, and tell me if you really, really enjoyed the look on her face while you were pumping this particular model of Bob in and out of her pussy? Of course I don’t ask, and of course he remains professional and states something like, well, generally speaking ladies and gentlemen, this Bob is a sure fire hit with the ladies……and next thing you know…..I buy the farm, the car, the extra batteries and the toy cleaner for good measure. (Maybe I was thinking about him and his girlfriend too much and got excited)

It is just too much excitement for me at the counter. I am calm and in control until that moment. Maybe it is the test demonstration that gets me. I know that the counter attendant knows exactly what Bob is going to do for me as soon as I get him home. I start to feel the tingles of exposure. I am mentally having an intimate experience with a complete stranger at a condom and lube filled display counter and it fucks me up every single time. This stranger (who just happens to be really cute, young and full of life) is holding and demonstrating a simulated cock before my very eyes and I have an insane urge to crawl up on the counter, spread my legs and give my new Bobby baby a whirl right there….Hell, I want to know how well it works and watch him watching me watching him and getting pumped. But this guy insists on giving me instructions on dildo and vibrator care with a straight face and I play along, but……but I still want the attendant to slide that bad boy up my pussy and rev up the engines. I continue to act like I am buying groceries at the store and he pretends that we are not talking about making my pussy hot, swollen, moist and wet. We are not talking about how good my clit is going to feel with that humming little do dad riding up on it. We are not talking about how incredibly hot it is to have someone sliding a play cock inside and out of me and watching me cum, but I am thinking it…and I am convinced that sometimes this counter attendant does too. We are not talking about how I am going to feel the power of Bob carry me to my favorite place in the whole wide world and then thrash around in the throes of beautiful pleasure. Nope, we are not talking about this, but he is showing me all about it as I watch the head of Bob spin around and around and he hums and purrs and wiggles, struggling so valiantly to get out of the plastic into my waiting pussy.

So with straight faces, he says ‘thank you for shopping and have a great day’…..and I say, ‘you too’. But with my fantasy still freshly acted out in my mind, I rush to the car and light a cigarette wondering how fast I can drive and get away without a ticket.

Happy Bobbing Tuesday to All!