BOOB JOBS

I love breasts. I really do. I don’t care what anyone wants to call them, there is a smörgåsbord of names to choose from…..and whatever name they go by does not change how I react to them. Love them! Of course, I am a little obsessed, but hell, I have always been obsessed about certain things…tits just happen to be one of many obsessions.

Now, don’t take this wrong…I love mine, even named them (yea, ok, whatever!), and they have served me well, and my children too. I nursed all of them and I wouldn’t change that simple pleasure for anything in the world. But my children were greedy little shits and managed to suck the perkiness right out of my tits slowly but surely. If that wasn’t enough, Mother Nature comes along, tries to take her pound of flesh, finds them lacking in even a half pound of weight and sends Gravity to wreck vengeance before my very eyes! So, sue me, but I have a resentment with the both of them, and am going to fight back.

I have never been a fan of boob jobs, but I have never been 40 years old either! So I started looking at augmentations. I have seen more tits in the last two weeks than I care to admit….and didn’t get to touch any of them…..sigh...but the belief that I held, until a few days ago, was that I would not have one. Simple, I thought, until I heard that it was possible to take the fat from your own body and recycle it into your own breasts! WOA buddy!!! THIS has me hopeful and giddy and hopeful and giddy, and did I mention hopeful? How 'bout giddy?

I pride myself on being environmentally aware and active. I have been recycling for years now, and the thought of having my own body recycled into something so positively awesome has me, yup, hopeful and giddy in addition to the pride that comes from being a responsible, environmentally aware soul.

But here is the deal…my insurance isn’t paying for this, so I have had to get creative with my thinking….so the ‘tips for tits’ jar has begun. You would be hard pressed to believe that servers make an average of $10,000 to $20,000 more a year for having larger, perkier breasts, but it is true, and working IS about the money honey. (I have my nails done to make that extra 11% as well). Soooooooo, with that said and knowing how I am all about improving my work performance, I will be diligently saving my money from here on in.

But knowing how the industry goes, I have this insane fear of being just shy of reaching my ‘prettier peaches’ campaign when they will discover a major medical danger concerning this procedure. So I have started another campaign, one of prayer and fasting to the goddess Venus herself. I pledge myself to morning and evening prayers and now fast once a week. I light incense and candles; I am even learning Greek in order to sing hymns of praise to her boobiness and blessed protection over this medical procedure, at least long enough for me to get mine! Selfish? Oh yes. Shameful? No way, remember, it’s the perfect recycling program I have ever heard of!

Besides the money aspect of the peaches campaign, there is the practical aspect of nipple sensitivity to consider. My nipples are a large part of foreplay; trust me, a large part. Mmmmmmmmm, just thinking of having my nipples played with makes me want to arch my back in response and enjoy that special shiver of pleasure that runs down my back. I am sooooo not willing to give that up. So do I choose saggy boobs that bring me intense sexual pleasure or perfect peaches with the loss of sensitivity? I am a hedonist so it shouldn’t take too long to figure out which one I would choose, so it is no surprise that I swooned and nearly fainted with relief to learn that my tits can still remain sensitive as well as beautiful again…whew!

So with all this goofiness aside and out of my system, I am seriously researching breast augmentations, focusing primarily on the above mentioned procedure. But before anyone walks away thinking that I am going for something that I am not, let me state for the record…a nice, solid, perky, happy pair of B’s will do me just fine because those C’s look like they could hurt me and/or others. Nothing against those gals with large breasts, I am sure that you manage just fine. I know myself though, and I would be giving myself and others black eyes just trying to simply clear a dirty dish and that would affect my tip, and again, it is about the money honey………………