Saturday, April 26, 2008

Daughter-In-Laws and Dildos

A boy and a girl fell in love when they were 14 years old. For seven years they grew together and their love remained true. At 21 they decided to elope, avoiding the disapproval of the young man's mother, a real thorny bitch.

The young man enlisted in the Army and was deployed to Iraq, joining the action along side of his brother. He was quickly promoted, transfered into a special unit and went off doing only the Army knows what and was able to finally come home on leave less than a month ago.

Now these two love birds are wonderful kids and their sexual satisfaction and adventures with one another are no secret, having become stuff of great legend in the small, rural community they are both from. For those in the know, the young groom's desire to take care of his wife includes a lustful appreciation and purchasing of toys designed for her pleasure. Before his deployment, he purchased his young bride a vibrator of the highest caliber and it quickly became one of her favorites, however, what ensued shortly after its purchase made it ridiculously impossible for her to ever use again.

After the young mans initial deployment, his young bride was left with the task of packing up their possessions from the base and moving them back to their hometown. Her new in-laws were able to help and the famous road trip began.

They packed and loaded the two vehicles as quickly as possible because the young bride was emotionally distraught with her new husbands deployment and just wanted to go home and had several things on her mind when packing.

She wasn't thinking straight when she failed to pack all of her sex toys away from prying eyes, including those of her in-laws. The young man's last purchase was tossed into a zip lock baggie and tossed into a laundry basket...a basket that made it to the back of the in-laws vehicle and not her own.

Halfway through the drive home, the bride, driving her own vehicle, remembered to her great embarrassment that her fabulous vibrator was then in the back seat of her husband's parents vehicle and was likely to be discovered. She vacillated back and forth between making the phone call to the vehicle behind her or to remain quiet and hope for the best. She chose to remain quiet and crossed her fingers.

They finished the drive home without incident. She was relieved and grateful that her secret possession remained undiscovered. Everyone was tired after arriving home and they each decided to stop at their respective homes before meeting up to unload the vehicles. The young bride reunited with her family and spent time getting caught up on all the local news and gossip. She then received the phone call. Yes, from the in-laws. Yes, for the very reason you are thinking now.

As the in-laws were nearing their own home, the grooms mother began to hear an obnoxious buzzing sound from the back of their SUV. Without knowing what it was, she insisted that they pull over and get to the bottom of whatever was going on. After pulling over, she got out and headed to the rear of the vehicle. She opened up the back of the SUV and noticed the buzzing noise was louder and very distinct. Still not realizing what she was hearing, she begins to rummage through boxes and baskets and discovered the vibrating ziplock bag containing a Cadillac of vibrators. As she lifted the bag up out of the laundry basket she came as close to a coronary as anyone can come to without actually having one. Of course, she stuttered, she choked, she held the bag as far away from herself as she could while yelling at her husband who was then standing next to her.

"It's one of those TOYS!"

He of course, immediately turned away from her to hide the laughter that was beginning to erupt while she frantically tried to figure out how to handle the wiggly bag in her hand that grossly displayed her new daughter-in-law's phallic pleasure toy, and eventually figured out how to turn it off through the plastic. Her son's gift to his bride was returned to its place and nothing more was said.

The bride received the phone call and heard that all of her stuff is safely unpacked and was informed by her mother-in-law that they never saw anything of a personal nature, which was as close to hearing the words 'your VIBRATOR started going off in the back of OUR car and I HAD TO TURN IT OFF!' as she was ever going to get.

Our young bride felt her cheeks burn, her palms begin to sweat and a slight trembling consumed her body. She was embarrassed beyond belief, but managed to keep enough control to calmly thank the both of them over the phone and hung up. Nothing else has ever been mentioned between them about this event since.

Imagine.

Now imagine the falling down laughter that came shortly thereafter. It was and still is considered worthy of the 'classic' status of all time embarrassing moments that those of us in the know have deemed it. Truly worthy.

The groom was highly amused and laughed his ass off as well when he heard about the incident from his sweetheart and during his next leave, saw to purchasing a replacement toy before his returning to Iraq. He always said that if he couldn't be there to take care of her needs himself, he would make sure that she had the best of the best when it came to toys. I am sure that this young brides toy chest rivals my own, in fact, I wouldn't doubt that it supersedes my collection by far. These two as I stated are notorious for their sexual activities, having made themselves legend at a local college for repeated sexual encounters within a very small broom closet to just name one of their feats.

This little daughter-in-law dildo story may have been predictable, but I felt it was necessary to share since the young groom is now in a coffin somewhere in Iraq and we are waiting for his body to be returned to us stateside. He was killed just a few short days ago and his young bride is now a widow. She is 22 years old.

May we all learn to live in Peace.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

"As the in-laws were nearing their own home, the grooms mother began to hear an obnoxious buzzing sound from the back of their SUV. Without knowing what it was, she insisted that they pull over and get to the bottom of whatever was going on. After pulling over, she got out and headed to the rear of the vehicle. She opened up the back of the SUV and noticed the buzzing noise was louder and very distinct. Still not realizing what she was hearing, she begins to rummage through boxes and baskets and discovered the vibrating ziplock bag containing a Cadillac of vibrators."

Funny story, but the "Cadillac" models now have locking mechanisms built into the control pad to keep this sort of thing from happening ;) Maybe when he's back again, he can upgrade her ride!

Or is it one of those situations where this is THE TOY AND IT WILL NOT BE REPLACED? Hehehe.

Anonymous said...

Crap, just read to the end and now I'm totally depressed. It was a great story and that's just tragic.

Persephone said...

It is tragic erogenguy....I am attending his full military burial today...but you know? It is stories like these that will last forever and he was such a great kid with the most warped sense of humor that I know he would appreciate this post! Smile! (or he will come and kick your ass! lol)