Daughter-In-Laws and Dildos

A boy and a girl fell in love when they were 14 years old. For seven years they grew together and their love remained true. At 21 they decided to elope, avoiding the disapproval of the young man's mother, a real thorny bitch.

The young man enlisted in the Army and was deployed to Iraq, joining the action along side of his brother. He was quickly promoted, transfered into a special unit and went off doing only the Army knows what and was able to finally come home on leave less than a month ago.

Now these two love birds are wonderful kids and their sexual satisfaction and adventures with one another are no secret, having become stuff of great legend in the small, rural community they are both from. For those in the know, the young groom's desire to take care of his wife includes a lustful appreciation and purchasing of toys designed for her pleasure. Before his deployment, he purchased his young bride a vibrator of the highest caliber and it quickly became one of her favorites, however, what ensued shortly after its purchase made it ridiculously impossible for her to ever use again.

After the young mans initial deployment, his young bride was left with the task of packing up their possessions from the base and moving them back to their hometown. Her new in-laws were able to help and the famous road trip began.

They packed and loaded the two vehicles as quickly as possible because the young bride was emotionally distraught with her new husbands deployment and just wanted to go home and had several things on her mind when packing.

She wasn't thinking straight when she failed to pack all of her sex toys away from prying eyes, including those of her in-laws. The young man's last purchase was tossed into a zip lock baggie and tossed into a laundry basket...a basket that made it to the back of the in-laws vehicle and not her own.

Halfway through the drive home, the bride, driving her own vehicle, remembered to her great embarrassment that her fabulous vibrator was then in the back seat of her husband's parents vehicle and was likely to be discovered. She vacillated back and forth between making the phone call to the vehicle behind her or to remain quiet and hope for the best. She chose to remain quiet and crossed her fingers.

They finished the drive home without incident. She was relieved and grateful that her secret possession remained undiscovered. Everyone was tired after arriving home and they each decided to stop at their respective homes before meeting up to unload the vehicles. The young bride reunited with her family and spent time getting caught up on all the local news and gossip. She then received the phone call. Yes, from the in-laws. Yes, for the very reason you are thinking now.

As the in-laws were nearing their own home, the grooms mother began to hear an obnoxious buzzing sound from the back of their SUV. Without knowing what it was, she insisted that they pull over and get to the bottom of whatever was going on. After pulling over, she got out and headed to the rear of the vehicle. She opened up the back of the SUV and noticed the buzzing noise was louder and very distinct. Still not realizing what she was hearing, she begins to rummage through boxes and baskets and discovered the vibrating ziplock bag containing a Cadillac of vibrators. As she lifted the bag up out of the laundry basket she came as close to a coronary as anyone can come to without actually having one. Of course, she stuttered, she choked, she held the bag as far away from herself as she could while yelling at her husband who was then standing next to her.

"It's one of those TOYS!"

He of course, immediately turned away from her to hide the laughter that was beginning to erupt while she frantically tried to figure out how to handle the wiggly bag in her hand that grossly displayed her new daughter-in-law's phallic pleasure toy, and eventually figured out how to turn it off through the plastic. Her son's gift to his bride was returned to its place and nothing more was said.

The bride received the phone call and heard that all of her stuff is safely unpacked and was informed by her mother-in-law that they never saw anything of a personal nature, which was as close to hearing the words 'your VIBRATOR started going off in the back of OUR car and I HAD TO TURN IT OFF!' as she was ever going to get.

Our young bride felt her cheeks burn, her palms begin to sweat and a slight trembling consumed her body. She was embarrassed beyond belief, but managed to keep enough control to calmly thank the both of them over the phone and hung up. Nothing else has ever been mentioned between them about this event since.

Imagine.

Now imagine the falling down laughter that came shortly thereafter. It was and still is considered worthy of the 'classic' status of all time embarrassing moments that those of us in the know have deemed it. Truly worthy.

The groom was highly amused and laughed his ass off as well when he heard about the incident from his sweetheart and during his next leave, saw to purchasing a replacement toy before his returning to Iraq. He always said that if he couldn't be there to take care of her needs himself, he would make sure that she had the best of the best when it came to toys. I am sure that this young brides toy chest rivals my own, in fact, I wouldn't doubt that it supersedes my collection by far. These two as I stated are notorious for their sexual activities, having made themselves legend at a local college for repeated sexual encounters within a very small broom closet to just name one of their feats.

This little daughter-in-law dildo story may have been predictable, but I felt it was necessary to share since the young groom is now in a coffin somewhere in Iraq and we are waiting for his body to be returned to us stateside. He was killed just a few short days ago and his young bride is now a widow. She is 22 years old.

May we all learn to live in Peace.

THE BLOG ACCORDING TO BOB

My dildos and vibrators are currently named ‘bob’, which I suppose is a better name than GumbyX due to the lesser syllables required to roll of the tongue. I didn’t come up with the name; it was a happy accident that occurred at work. Imagine a gaggle of geese trying to talk about dildos, sex, fucking and sucking while working with the public….tricky sometimes. So the boss blurts out the name ‘bob’ in direct reference to our conversation, and Bob it has been ever since much to our amusement and pleasure.

It is one thing to talk about fucking yourself with your toys with co-workers, but it is still a surreal experience to talk about dildos to a straight faced attendant young behind the counter of an adult store. Maybe because talking about dildos at work with the other women is a lot like the cooler conversations at the office, or fishing stories with the guys….I once had a dildo thiiiiiissss bbbiiiiiiigggg…..a delightful form of entertainment with enough edgy seriousness to make it real. Maybe it is the lack of visual, hell, I assume that we are not carrying our Bobs into work with us (well, maybe some of the gals have butterfly Bobs that we are not aware of….interesting to ponder about), but overall……there is a difference for me at least between discussing Bob with the gals at work, and seeing Bob in all of his glory in the hands of a beautiful looking young man at the Bob store.

Shopping for Bob is amazing to me. There are Bobs out there that seem ridiculously impossible to take home to momma. You know what I mean….the 10’ (not inches, feet!) double headed dildo that is everyone’s favorite party toy that you know isn’t practical, but you wonder who is using those anyways………oh yea you think, I saw that in a porn one time! Then there are Bobs with a lot of bling; shinny, but you still wonder if under all the pretty shine, is there quality there? There are Bobs with parts that I still don’t think I want to know about….ok, yes, I do want to learn about the anal tickler attached to it…..but do I want the guy behind the counter to know that I may like that? And if the answer is yes can he give me a demonstration? Bobs with pearls, Bobs with jelly skin, plastic skin, surreal cyber skin…etc…..a lot of cleaning to think about there…and using a condom with Bob???? That gets me to no end…..Bob is my best and closest friend, even when others come over to play. Can I not trust him the most and not have to wear a rubber? (I know, condom use is for when letting Bob play with your friends as well as yourself….it was just a liberty I took…)

Shopping for Bob is like picking up a guy…..scope, review, decide…..mmmmmm, that one looks good, bet it can do this for me…but that one over there, well, now we are talking endurance….how bout Bob supercharged model triple thousand X? I bet that is worth 20 orgasms! How can I be expected to pick out just one? Then reality sets in after all of my oohhing and aaahhhing. I know what I want and need in a Bob…..and I since I am a practical sort and not inclined to Bob shop frequently, I usually go for quality and endurance with a touch of spice, not worrying about the bells and whistles so much as the hard core endurance…..I want my Bob to last.

With the final selection made, I approach the counter. Now the squirming begins. I want to ask this guy, hey, is this Bob any good? I want to know if him and his girlfriend have tried this particular model, how did she like it, how bout the quality, and tell me if you really, really enjoyed the look on her face while you were pumping this particular model of Bob in and out of her pussy? Of course I don’t ask, and of course he remains professional and states something like, well, generally speaking ladies and gentlemen, this Bob is a sure fire hit with the ladies……and next thing you know…..I buy the farm, the car, the extra batteries and the toy cleaner for good measure. (Maybe I was thinking about him and his girlfriend too much and got excited)

It is just too much excitement for me at the counter. I am calm and in control until that moment. Maybe it is the test demonstration that gets me. I know that the counter attendant knows exactly what Bob is going to do for me as soon as I get him home. I start to feel the tingles of exposure. I am mentally having an intimate experience with a complete stranger at a condom and lube filled display counter and it fucks me up every single time. This stranger (who just happens to be really cute, young and full of life) is holding and demonstrating a simulated cock before my very eyes and I have an insane urge to crawl up on the counter, spread my legs and give my new Bobby baby a whirl right there….Hell, I want to know how well it works and watch him watching me watching him and getting pumped. But this guy insists on giving me instructions on dildo and vibrator care with a straight face and I play along, but……but I still want the attendant to slide that bad boy up my pussy and rev up the engines. I continue to act like I am buying groceries at the store and he pretends that we are not talking about making my pussy hot, swollen, moist and wet. We are not talking about how good my clit is going to feel with that humming little do dad riding up on it. We are not talking about how incredibly hot it is to have someone sliding a play cock inside and out of me and watching me cum, but I am thinking it…and I am convinced that sometimes this counter attendant does too. We are not talking about how I am going to feel the power of Bob carry me to my favorite place in the whole wide world and then thrash around in the throes of beautiful pleasure. Nope, we are not talking about this, but he is showing me all about it as I watch the head of Bob spin around and around and he hums and purrs and wiggles, struggling so valiantly to get out of the plastic into my waiting pussy.

So with straight faces, he says ‘thank you for shopping and have a great day’…..and I say, ‘you too’. But with my fantasy still freshly acted out in my mind, I rush to the car and light a cigarette wondering how fast I can drive and get away without a ticket.

Happy Bobbing Tuesday to All!