Daughter-In-Laws and Dildos

A boy and a girl fell in love when they were 14 years old. For seven years they grew together and their love remained true. At 21 they decided to elope, avoiding the disapproval of the young man's mother, a real thorny bitch.

The young man enlisted in the Army and was deployed to Iraq, joining the action along side of his brother. He was quickly promoted, transfered into a special unit and went off doing only the Army knows what and was able to finally come home on leave less than a month ago.

Now these two love birds are wonderful kids and their sexual satisfaction and adventures with one another are no secret, having become stuff of great legend in the small, rural community they are both from. For those in the know, the young groom's desire to take care of his wife includes a lustful appreciation and purchasing of toys designed for her pleasure. Before his deployment, he purchased his young bride a vibrator of the highest caliber and it quickly became one of her favorites, however, what ensued shortly after its purchase made it ridiculously impossible for her to ever use again.

After the young mans initial deployment, his young bride was left with the task of packing up their possessions from the base and moving them back to their hometown. Her new in-laws were able to help and the famous road trip began.

They packed and loaded the two vehicles as quickly as possible because the young bride was emotionally distraught with her new husbands deployment and just wanted to go home and had several things on her mind when packing.

She wasn't thinking straight when she failed to pack all of her sex toys away from prying eyes, including those of her in-laws. The young man's last purchase was tossed into a zip lock baggie and tossed into a laundry basket...a basket that made it to the back of the in-laws vehicle and not her own.

Halfway through the drive home, the bride, driving her own vehicle, remembered to her great embarrassment that her fabulous vibrator was then in the back seat of her husband's parents vehicle and was likely to be discovered. She vacillated back and forth between making the phone call to the vehicle behind her or to remain quiet and hope for the best. She chose to remain quiet and crossed her fingers.

They finished the drive home without incident. She was relieved and grateful that her secret possession remained undiscovered. Everyone was tired after arriving home and they each decided to stop at their respective homes before meeting up to unload the vehicles. The young bride reunited with her family and spent time getting caught up on all the local news and gossip. She then received the phone call. Yes, from the in-laws. Yes, for the very reason you are thinking now.

As the in-laws were nearing their own home, the grooms mother began to hear an obnoxious buzzing sound from the back of their SUV. Without knowing what it was, she insisted that they pull over and get to the bottom of whatever was going on. After pulling over, she got out and headed to the rear of the vehicle. She opened up the back of the SUV and noticed the buzzing noise was louder and very distinct. Still not realizing what she was hearing, she begins to rummage through boxes and baskets and discovered the vibrating ziplock bag containing a Cadillac of vibrators. As she lifted the bag up out of the laundry basket she came as close to a coronary as anyone can come to without actually having one. Of course, she stuttered, she choked, she held the bag as far away from herself as she could while yelling at her husband who was then standing next to her.

"It's one of those TOYS!"

He of course, immediately turned away from her to hide the laughter that was beginning to erupt while she frantically tried to figure out how to handle the wiggly bag in her hand that grossly displayed her new daughter-in-law's phallic pleasure toy, and eventually figured out how to turn it off through the plastic. Her son's gift to his bride was returned to its place and nothing more was said.

The bride received the phone call and heard that all of her stuff is safely unpacked and was informed by her mother-in-law that they never saw anything of a personal nature, which was as close to hearing the words 'your VIBRATOR started going off in the back of OUR car and I HAD TO TURN IT OFF!' as she was ever going to get.

Our young bride felt her cheeks burn, her palms begin to sweat and a slight trembling consumed her body. She was embarrassed beyond belief, but managed to keep enough control to calmly thank the both of them over the phone and hung up. Nothing else has ever been mentioned between them about this event since.

Imagine.

Now imagine the falling down laughter that came shortly thereafter. It was and still is considered worthy of the 'classic' status of all time embarrassing moments that those of us in the know have deemed it. Truly worthy.

The groom was highly amused and laughed his ass off as well when he heard about the incident from his sweetheart and during his next leave, saw to purchasing a replacement toy before his returning to Iraq. He always said that if he couldn't be there to take care of her needs himself, he would make sure that she had the best of the best when it came to toys. I am sure that this young brides toy chest rivals my own, in fact, I wouldn't doubt that it supersedes my collection by far. These two as I stated are notorious for their sexual activities, having made themselves legend at a local college for repeated sexual encounters within a very small broom closet to just name one of their feats.

This little daughter-in-law dildo story may have been predictable, but I felt it was necessary to share since the young groom is now in a coffin somewhere in Iraq and we are waiting for his body to be returned to us stateside. He was killed just a few short days ago and his young bride is now a widow. She is 22 years old.

May we all learn to live in Peace.

Where I have Been

Maybe it might be nice to explain my absence, if only to myself for the sake of posterity and all.

"changeover, conversion, metamorphosis, mutation, shift, transfiguration, translation, transmogrification, transmutation, transubstantiation, transformation" (Roget's II: The New Thesaurus)

The relocation effort was insane, mind blowing and FAST! It was basically like an atomic explosion and I was left with weeks of clean up and organization. Now I know that many people can multi task and blog through a world war, but this little kitty can not deal with disorganized home space or piles of boxes that are left unpacked. There are tons of you out there who can function within this type of scene, thrive in fact, but there is no possibility that I will ever be counted among your number. I am the dork who can not cook in a dirty kitchen. I have to make sure all the dishes are washed(not necessarily put away, just washed and in the dishdrain) and the counters, stovetop and table are clean of mess...

In addition the the physical challenge of moving, there was a consolidation of my family under one roof after many years of being in two different homes (No, I am not going to explain this statement) and a lot of time spent on learning how to live together again. This was no easy feat considering the amount of different personalities involved. I have the sensitive prince who is used to being waiting on hand and foot. I have the teenage boy who smells and streetboards along with a significant amount of other smelly teenage boys who streetboard as well and I am lucky enough to report that they have formed a small gang of smart, funny geeks, all borderlining on nerdhood. (Trust me here, geeky kids are great and I for one am relieved that they are not a group of rude sonsofbitches and mind their manners...we should foster more geeks.)

Then there is the man. It is simple. I love him, he loves me, and we are together again after a decade of being apart...I know, I know...the statistics say it will never work, but damn the torpedos, the Force is strong with us. (love Star Wars, what can I say?)

Then of course, there was the dog issue. He had a dog, I have dog. The two could not manage under the same roof without one of them getting hurt. Finding a placement took a lot of time, and the constant supervision required more effort on my part than caring for twin two year olds.....whew!

Then, landing the job very, very shortly after I got here. There is something to be said about being in the right place at the right time, and for the first time in my life, I landed the most cream puff, well paying, exotic job imaginable. (I will leave it to your imagination to guess what I might be doing now...or we can play 20 questions; I promise to give honest answers).

Once the dust settled, I had to leave the country for work for a month. Tough being in the West Indies I tell you. Especially when all of my expenses were paid for and I made money everyday I was down there as well. Tough....really, really tough especially since it was 'work related' and days of being on the beach can truly take a toll. If I was someone else, I would be jealous of me. It was impossible to feel bad about leaving the family so soon after moving in because believe this or not, I have NEVER, EVER had a vacation in my entire life. I was a parent by the age of 18, and have been raising children without a break all that time. I am now in my fourth decade, so I would say that it was some well deserved time for myself and I exploited it to the fullest. I enjoyed myself so much that I fought tears on the flight home and it took almost a full week and a half to feel like I was 'home' again.

But enough of the mundane...I just thought I should account for my whereabouts and absence for all this time for anyone who might think that I am a flake for leaving my baby blog to fend by its lonesome for so long without any attention. I have missed reading my favorites as well and found myself lost in cyberspace with all of you for hours yesterday, and am looking forward to continuing my re-acquaintance.

I'm Back

I am back and I know that this is no big deal to anyone out there really, but tough shit, I'm here for me anyways. Isn't this the joy of blogging anonymously? The opportunity to write for completely narcissistic reasons. I haven't felt like writing for the last several months, but now I do, and to my relief, this blog space is still intact and mine; so hello to anyone else out there who may care enough to read....

In the last post, I shared that I was moving. Well, I did, and it was the best thing in the world for me although I find myself aching for some of the things that I had to let go of in order to re emerge into the city life again after so many years. Living in a bustling metro area after well over a decade of living in the country has been exciting, and I am now capable of leaving the house without getting lost going to the grocery store (trust me, a real challenge there for a few weeks), and becoming reacquainted with a more liberal environment of people has been like water to a person dying of thirst.

I landed an unbelievable job that is the envy of almost anyone I come across, and it even took me out of the country for the first time in my life. I experienced a tropical paradise for three weeks with all expenses paid and discovered more of myself than I could have ever dreamed possible.

My home life is stable and secure and unified at last. There is peace and a great deal of calmness that I did not think was possible, especially with a teenager in the house. Even the dog is content, what more could a person want in life?

On the outside, I am Beaver Cleaver's mom, and really, despite all the groans and protests, I enjoy it for the most part. I am in a position where I do not need to work if I don't want to, and the job that I do have is a very part time one and I have a lot of time at home with my kids and I am finding that I actually am enjoying all the down time, the relaxation, the ability to unwind myself and enjoy life again. Nice, huh? Yea, I think so, even if some days are full of demands on my time that leave me stretched out thinner than gossamer, but what the hell? This time that I am finding a sudden abundance of has been a gift and it is a gift without measure.

So with all that being said...it is time to blog again. I have been writing on a daily basis, but nothing that was for posting here...a few short stories and essays mainly accompanied with a lot of free writing and journaling. But here? Here, I can just throw what I want out there without a lot of the revising and critiquing I hope, at least from myself and still get out some of the thoughts that are always clamoring for attention wanting to be written.

So again, I am back. I hope that the few people that read me before will be back for a visit or two, but honestly, this is for me this time and no one else. I am not striving for anything else other than a simple little place to express some of my thoughts for my own mental health.